Category Archives: Second Life

A Sidhe in a Virtual World


I only just realised that it’s been more than two years since I posted anything on this blog. I wonder if anyone still reads it?

For those who’ve missed me, if you even exist, I have a real-life blog (moved from original location) too, which you’re more than welcome to come read.

New work, new social network

Well it’s been a busy week! I started a new part-time voluntary job yesterday, helping teach IT skills to the less well off. One thing I can tell straight away is that the people there are a lot more appreciative of help than I’m used to getting from doing tech support. There’s no money, but it is CV fodder and a reference, so future job hunting will be a bit easier.

Also, and being on Plurk, most of you already know… Google+ is here.  Just in beta right now, and invite only, but it has a lot of promise. I hope it takes off. Still, I’ll leave the descriptions to those who do it better, but if you can try it, please do so.



I tried to post a reply to this post using my open-id, but it wouldn’t accept that I owned it (it didn’t ask a password of course – just assumed, but that is live-journal for you).  However, I am me… and whatever the LJ admins think, I do own the rights to myself…

Good luck Chao!

News Roundup

Well, I have some news.

In RL™ I’m still looking for work. The last interview came to nothing when they just told me they’d filled the place internally. They still wanted to keep hold of my details though as I was one of the last couple and they’ll probably be needing someone soon to fill the vacated post. To be honest, I’m not sure how I feel about that though. If they filled internally, budget is probably tight and any salary offer will be low. Not really something to look forward to in a new job, especially when it’s an entry-level position to start with.

On a brighter note, there’s a very good chance that my house sale will complete next week, which will leave me with some money. It’s nowhere near what I was hoping to get, but house prices in the area have fallen massively and it’s about as much as I could expect to get. My fingers are crossed for this.

And finally, today’s post brought my first appointment at Charing Cross Gender Clinic. It’s not until October, but there is always the possibility that it’ll be brought forward. For those of you who’ve been following, I have waited for this for about two and a half years, so it’s big progress for me. There’s still a long way to go, but it’s a start. At least I am on the road now.

So what about Second Life™? Well, I don’t think there’s a lot to tell. Not much changes, ever. I do think I need a bigger place to live. My little place just doesn’t have the prims I need to build. It’s barely enough, if I am honest, to rez the sales boxes and bags that many stores pack their wares in these days. I have to go elsewhere to unpack them. Still, life could be a lot worse. I have my friends and they are a lot more important to me than things will ever be.

Bye for now,


A while

It has been a while. August since my last Plurk, and things do happen. I’ve just not felt like writing, which probably says more about me than I’d like. Still, it is life, of a sort.

Freya came back. She came back days after I got the split. You  probably can’t imagine how I felt. Or maybe you can, I dunno. I’ve felt guilty as hell since. I wanted to go back, but it was too late, I think for both of us. We’re still friends, I hope, and in time, who knows.

Sometimes it’s too hard to bear, other times I rejoice in the freedom and new friends. Mostly, I am numb.

I stay home, I look to the past, and I am most certainly not the party girl I was once. But, the wheel turns, and what was dead lives, what was old is young again, and I remake myself.

Tonight I am heading to London, to friends who’ve always been there for me. Maybe even some new ones… and you never know, maybe Freya. I can hope.

But if not, I have a new family in SL. So I’ll be fine.

Tonight, I cry

Tonight is the night I give up about 5 years of my life. Tonight is the night my heart beats it’s last and becomes yet another piece of stone. Tonight is the night that my soul dies.

I’ve waited… I’ve wept… I’ve been a pain to some of my closest friends.

Last weekend was my 7th rezday. But last weekend was when I realised Freya was never coming back.

I’ve put our shared land (as much as I can) up for sale… If she ever comes back, I’ll split it with her.

Tonight is the night I asked Governor Linden for a divorce.

Tonight, I hate myself.

Tonight, the world changed… and not, whatever you say, for the better.

I got a linden home… where I am now, will be there…


I hurt

I really hurt a lot. My heart is lost and I don’t know where to turn.

I have decided to wait before I decide, certainly to my own rezday and maybe to Freya’s which will pretty much mark a year of no contact. Nothing will ease the pain, the guilt the feelings of betrayal (although I feel that goes both ways)… but it may at least help my sanity.

A very painful dilemma

We’re nearly half way through May, and it’s been a long time since I have been able to make contact with Freya. She’s not logged into Second LifeTM since last year, and it’s killing me. We’ve been an item for over 6 years, and that’s no easy thing to give up… in SL terms, it’s a lifetime.

Lately, I am embracing my submissive side, and becoming a living doll in SL. I’ve found a wonderful Mistress who treats me well, and plays with me as a toy. She’s also very devoted to her partner in SL, putting her before me, as she should. (If she didn’t put her partner first, then I don’t think I’d have stayed.)

Sooner or later, I will have to make a choice. I love them both, and I put Freya above everything. But I can’t wait for ever. On the other hand, I am covering some of her tier, and if we part, she loses that and probably loses her home. I would feel a LOT better if only I could talk to her to discuss selling some of it… at least that will minimise the damage, But it’s been 5 months. I went to Freya after my previous partner had been missing for less than 2.

So I have a dilemma. Whatever I do, people are going to be hurt. And I think I will be hurt either way.

I should really be thinking of myself. I have my transgender treatments to consider and I can’t afford to waste money on someone who’s not there, but… it feels so much like betrayal. I love my Freya. I love her more than I love myself. I love her more than life.

I feel abandoned!

I am a doll cast into a corner, a slave who grew old and ugly. My heart aches. I miss her so much.

I need … I need attention…

Someone please, tell me what to do, because I am so lost in emotion right now.