Virtual Emotion

After last night, I need to put some thoughts down about this, perhaps mainly to get them sorted out in my own mind. Hopefully it will help in the future. This is not about anyone in particular, I guess, apart from me, so please don’t think it’s about you – it’s probably not, though if you recognise the feelings, it’s good. Maybe you can help me too.

Last evening, I was flying in Eve. It was a medium tough mission, where, though I was able to resist the enemies’ damage easily, I couldn’t do much to them either, due to their sensor dampeners. I had managed to work out a system for doing it though, and slow work or not, I was making progress. Of course it’s never fun having nearly a dozen battleships shooting lumps out of one’s ship, but I was getting there.

It was about then that I noticed that someone else had arrived, flashing bright read on my scanners, indicating an enemy of some kind. Only a small ship, and when I looked, noticed it was just there, taking the results of my work. I left… leaving it to the tender ministrations of those I was fighting, and came back a few minutes later to find it gone… but no sooner had I hot back into it, the thief was back again. I warped, completed the mission with no more kills, and went home.

The thing is, it upset me. I was feeling all twisted up inside for the rest of the night, and wasn’t at my best even in the morning. Why do I let myself get like this? I mean, it’s not as if I lost anything substantial, there was no fight, but still it got to me and ruined my day. I just don’t understand why it hurts so much.