The path to self destruction

Most of us are pretty good at self destruction. I seem to be better at it than most.

Why do we always say things we know we’ll regret later? Why do we push away the ones we love? Why are we always determined to destroy our own happiness?

Last night, in ICQ, I said a lot of nasty, cruel things to Freya. She didn’t deserve it, she’d done nothing wrong, except in my mind. I said them anyway. I had no excuse.

When I sobered up and realised what I’d done, I sent her an apology, and I meant it. I wanted to take the hurt away that I’d caused, both to her, and to us. Unfortunately, Freya’s not logged in since, so she hasn’t received it.

I think I’ve lost her, and it’s all my fault!

Summer in the City

So, here I am, sitting in Wetherspoons because it’s raining. It’s Gloucester, it’s July 30th, the height of summer… and it’s raining.

I came for the Gloucester Festival, to sit outside a café or bar and watch people… but in this, there aren’t many. OK, to be fair, it’s more a drizzle than rain, and there are people, but they wear coats & jackets and don’t appear very festive!

At least I have my Freya to talk to in ICQ… and maybe it’ll brighten up later. I can hope… And of course, thanks to the miracle of a GPRS enabled PDA, I can talk to you, my readers…

Send me an ICQ message, and say hello.

Work, rain, work…

So, here I am, sat in a small room looking out over the muddy waters of the docks. It’s miserable weather too & there aren’t any tourists out there to watch. Still, it’s work, and this time last year, I didn’t even have that. I should be grateful. I am, but I’m still bored.

I think I know why & it’s partly my own fault. For a long time in SL I was in constant demand. A mentor, instructor & live helper. Now, there are no more classes, no-one wants mentors, I’ve not been in Live Help for about 2 or 3 teams… and there’s not so much to do in SL any more… only clubs or the latest [B|SL|TR]ingo variant.

I need something worthwhile to do or see!

On a lighter note, I see Torley’s blog is active again… Will SL once more resound to a Watermelon Frenzy that is Torley? We live in hope.

Changes

In a couple of weeks, I’ll have been in Second Life for two years. In that time, I’ve seen a lot of changes. I remember the Welcome area, as it was then, as it has been, and as it is now.

Way back when I started, there were two Welcome Areas, one on the border of Ahern and Morris, close to where it stands now, and the other on the border of Lime and Plum. It was very different. There was an area where newbies would appear, and an arch with a sign reading “Start Here”. There was a path, unpaved, leading down the hill towards Stage 4 on the border with Dore, and half way along, there were some signs and the big Events Board.

The Events Board was just that, a big board which the Lindens would update once a day with all of the days events on it, usually not many. You could click on it to get a note card with the list and, if I remember correctly, landmarks. We used to fly to one of them daily to get the lists.

Later, they put in the boardwalks, and moved things around. They added a balloon and formed the Sky Guides, players who could pilot the Linden balloon to give newbies short tours of the new areas, including the 4 sims that came to later be known as Novo Albion. I think this was when it all went wrong. People started using the Welcome Area to mess around, to advertise clubs, and the newbie experience was suddenly one of commerce.

The new Welcome Areas, first Waterhead and now the 4-sim monstrosity at Ahern, Dore, Morris and Bonifacio are, I dunno, not conducive to a good atmosphere. There’s something about them that just puts me off entirely. Perhaps I’m wrong, but I think they had it right in the old days, and now, well…

Why?

What is it about Second Life?

Over the last two years, I’ve seen it change a lot, and not all changes for the better. I’ve loved … and lost … and loved again. My heart aches when I play, but more when I’m away. I’ve tried other games, but I keep coming back to Second Life.

Now don’t get me wrong, the other games have their attractions, and their emotional roller coasters, but it’s not usually as intense as it is in Second Life. Maybe I’m addicted to the pain.

But maybe things are looking up, in some ways at least. I have work in RL now. Of course, it means I have less time for games, but it also means I’m not constantly miserable about finances. I’ve sold off almost all my Second Life holdings, with the exception of a small plot in Mocha… I have Freya… well some of the time at least…

Perhaps I should cheer up more…